Coming Out Problems. Take One

Naturally, there have been several issues that have come up with Husband NotSo's family. We have only come out of the closet to his immediate family in the last few months. Of course we realize they are confused and hurt, and at a loss with what is going on. I have put myself in their shoes, for not too many years ago, if a sibling of mine had come out of the Mormon closet, I would feel a great sense of loss. My heart would be broken because I knew I would not get to see them in the eternities. So of course there is sorrow, pain, and confusion.


I guess I expected them to accept our new world view and move on without any further discussion. Somewhat naive of me, as to how this has not been the case. Things they are saying about us have trickled back to us, sometimes inadvertently, and what has trickled has been extremely hurtful. It is all I can do to not act like a bear out of hibernation, coming from its cave, to let a trespasser have it.


I just don't see them putting on our shoes and I doubt they will because of the zealous way people feel when it comes to their religion, especially the Mormon religion. When it comes to being a True Believing Mormon, or TBM, nothing can sway you from your beliefs. Those beliefs and faith in those beliefs are solid and become an absolute reality, so any other view is wrong and lacks truth. From day one, members are taught that Mormonism is the only true church on the earth and that it is, literally, the same church Christ lead when he was on the earth two-thousand years ago. Therefore, the other religions out there may be good, but they are wrong and do not have the full truth. Therefore, their members lack everything you need in order to live with God again.


Now we are out of the closet, we are lumped with the rest of the world, or Babylon, but in our case it is worse because we know better. We once "knew it was true" and now that we don't believe all of it anymore, our souls are doomed. I honestly do not feel my soul is doomed, nor do I feel those who are good people who are not Mormon are doomed. I believe there will be plenty of other non-Mormons living with God once again.


This is where my hurt feelings come into play. I am still the same person. I have not changed. I am a good person. A good mommy. A good neighbor. A good friend. I still look for opportunities to serve others and help others when I am out in public. I am still friendly and I will still tear you apart if you mess with me or any of my family. The only thing that has changed is what aspects I do and do not believe about Mormonism. Because I do not believe those things anymore does not automatically make me "one of them" or a bad person. I am not bad mouthing The Church, nor am I revealing the things I have found out to those around me nor will I.


So as for coming out, expect there to be problems within your family. Expect tears and awkwardness. Expect passive-aggressive ways of them getting you to "really think" about what you are doing.  Expect anger and hurt on both side. And don't be naive that they will just accept it because that is, truly, not reality.

The Purpose

There are several reasons I have created this blog. Even if nobody ever reads it, the first purpose of it is to clear my head. I am trying to figure out what kind of relationship I want to have with The Church and what kind of relationship I want my children to have with the church. I love the social aspect of my particular ward. A ton of new families have moved in and I feel a draw to go to church because these people have become my friends. What's more, it is so nice to have my daughter have other children she can play with.


This last week we had what I call "Entrapment", formerly known in The Church as Enrichment, and I really had a fun time. There was a ton of laughing and talking and eating. And I thought that the only reason I would ever come back to church would be to enjoy the sisterhood my ward holds. I do feel a bond with the sisters and I do feel like they ARE my ward family. If it were possible, I would love to do all the social stuff, and not attend church, but I am afraid doing that, would scare some sisters off and they wouldn't want to socialize with me just because it could be awkward for them.


Now, for me, I don't feel awkward about any of this. I am happy to call myself inactive and I have called myself so in front of some of my sister friends. "So that's gonna be how you get me to come back to church!" I laughingly exclaimed as one sister gave me something another sister left behind at my MIL's house. "Now I have to go to church to get it to her!" The two sisters I was talking to, know me well and laughed along. I detected no awkwardness.


Another reason I have created this blog is to use it as a tool when, one day, I decide to come out-of-the Mormon closet to my family. Fortunately, my family lives way across the country from me, so they are not privy to my inactivity and my sketchiness of The Church. Families can be crushed and relationships ruined when a child/sibling leaves the church. Although I know I can not control their reactions, I hope to soften it by blogging about my feelings and the inner turmoil I am going through. I would like them to understand this isn't a rash decision, but something that has been well-thought out. I want them to see that I am still the same person. The same old me. I just don't believe what they believe anymore and what those "things" are will be blogged about soon.


I worry most about my father's and older sister's reaction. My sister and I got into a brief discussion this past fall about the whole Prop 8/gay thing and it quickly turned into a debate. I didn't want to go in depth regarding my feelings about it, so I put up my white flag and surrendered. I wasn't on my home turf, nor did I have a coalition of the willing on my side, so at that point it was an easy decision to not let it get out of control.


So anyway. There you go. More to come later. More to think of now.