Impatience

I am feeling grumpy. Grumpy and impatient. Grumpy, impatient, and lonely. Although I can appreciate the need to have this time to myself, this time to grow and be alright being alone, it is still hard. I realize my worth does not hang on whether I am with someone. Just because I am not, does not reflect on the person I am. It just happens that there my potential significant other has not been put in my path yet. So I have to be patient... I am losing patience. 

I want for that next step to happen. I believe I am ready. I have worked so hard on mentally healing myself. I have even started physically healing myself by running. I am better now. Stronger than I was a year ago. Full of more love and life. Doom has become a stranger and this year I have learned to just flow with the ups and downs, and laugh. Laugh a lot about how absurd life can be when shit gets thrown your way.

Things have settled. The kids have transitioned well. I am so proud of them. Life has stabilized enough I feel ready for what is next. And the answer I get is "almost". Almost. It is close. I have felt like something would happen this June, but I kinda question my instincts on that because February was such a flop.

And yet I know, things I do not understand, things that have happened this past year, will come to light and I will know why they fell the way they did. Maybe the little thing that happened in February will actually come to light as to how significant it really was. I just have to wait to see.

I hate waiting..