Not-So Good Day

As you have read, in the last ten months, Husband Notso and I have finally come to the point of letting our beliefs in the church go. Over the past ten years, or so, he kept some of his more radical thoughts to himself because he was afraid of what I would think. After some seeking and pondering and podcasting, we started an open dialog, paralleled our religious beliefs, and I learned things I had not known about the church. Many of these things were so disappointing and I was hurt. I was hurt because this once great thing and part of my life was not what it seemed to be.

Husband Notso told his parents and two brothers he no longer believed, which, of course, was not received well. Since then, we have gone through various phases of awkwardness, denial, indifference... All-in-all, I think they have handled it well, but slowly things have been trickling back to us through various conversations he has been having with different members of his family regarding our apostasy.

These "tricklings" have been extremely hurtful. We have been called "selfish", that we live in a world of "hyperbole" and, more specifically, that I "...would brew a pot of coffee..." at our family annual beach trip "...just for shock value...". If I were going for shock value, I think I would be more creative other than brewing a pot of coffee.

Even before all the $hit hit the fan, I have had an irreverent sense of humor, but now my irreverent jests are now "hurtful" and are out-of-place. It has been SO DIFFICULT keeping my mouth shut. I know speaking my mind would make things worse and would be unproductive. I have known his family since 1996 and it is like they do not remember what I am like or who I am.

I am still the SAME person. I am not EVIL. I do not and will not purposefully shove in their faces my new lifestyle. In fact, feel like I am going out-of-my-way to make sure I will not offend them in any way in order to make this situation less awkward. When I am around his family, I wear "modest" clothing, even though I have ditched the magic underwear long ago. I will not "brew a pot of coffee" just for shock value. Now, it is as if I need to prove to them I am a good person, when I already was a good person.


And I admit, I like my occasional Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks, but I am far from brewing pots of coffee in the morning. I am SO tempted to just go ahead and brew a pot at the beach and not drink a drop just to show them how stupid they are.