And I suppose that is where I am going with this post. My kids. One of the more difficult decisions of apostasy is deciding if what I am doing will be good for me kids. I don't feel like I was damaged at Primary age, but as I got into Young Womens, I can see the teachings during those years did influence the decisions I made as a young adult. It felt like I had to fit into the cookie-cutter mold that is taught: Graduate high school, start college, meet your future husband, get married young, have kids young, and never finish school. Yadda. Yadda.
My parents did tell me I could be whatever I wanted to be, but what I was hearing and seeing from church was different. There were very few mothers who worked in my ward. I saw big families, where the father worked, and the mother stayed home. I am certainly not bashing their decisions, but there is so much more out there once you take the blinders off.
I want so much more for my kids, for my daughter in particular. I want her to never feel like she can't do something just because she is female. If she wants to be a brain surgeon, great! If she wants to be an Olympic athlete, awesome! If she wants to be a pole dancer... Well... Not so great. There is only so much influence I can have at home, so having her in a church which teaches likewise, I feel somewhat torn.
I would love for her to have a relationship with God and understand the depth of the teachings of Jesus. If those were the main things taught on Sunday, I would be fine with that. Instead, we get bogged down the rules, commandments, expectations, culture, and whatnot. Even if I filter what she is taught, she is bound to absorb some of the stuff I don't want her to. What's more, she will see the patriarchy of the church = Men in important roles. Women in less important roles and not involved as much.
So I am left with the questions if it is fair for me to make this decision for her? Should I just take her to Primary? Should I just skip it all, and hope she follows my example at home?
I just don't want to mess my kids up. I want them to have all the confidence in the world to conquer the world. I want them to have compassion to give to the world. Whether-or-not The Church hinders confidence, I don't know. Whether-or-not keeping them at home hinders compassion, I don't know. Kind of a catch 22.
