Today is a good day. The house is a wreck, but I feel like a got a lot done. Daughter NotSo had preschool this morning and I was planning on skipping it. I had gotten up late and I absolutely loathe trying to rush out the door when there are two children to get ready. Daughter NotSo seems to only have two speeds: slow and huh?. So it was already 9:30 in the morning, when preschool starts, and I said to myself, "Just do it!"
So I did it and it wasn't that bad. I didn't feel rushed or stressed. I even had time to make her a sack lunch. After dropping Daughter NotSo off, a little late, I hit the grocery store and bought stuff for us and our neighbors who had just had a baby. I told them I would be bringing them dinner and today I felt motivated to do so.
Son NoSo and I made it home and I started prepping the dinner, when my friend and other neighbor dropped her daughter off for me to watch while she went to teach her comm call class. Our daughters are the same age, so they play together and well at that. After a bit, we all loaded in the car to pick up Daughter NotSo from preschool, then home again, where dinner preparation continued and the kids played.
I want to do nice things for people, but sometimes it is so damn hard for me to comment. My MIL was in the RS Presidency of our ward for the last few years, so I was called upon many times to help her. I am happy to help, but when the children at home don't cooperate with what I need to accomplish, it can get stressful, and I feel pressure and anxiety in trying to achieve what I need to do to help my MIL out, or anyone for that matter. Hence my reluctance to comment to anything because in my head, it equals stress.
So why was today good, you ask? Today was good because I was able to make dinner for my neighbors and there was very little stress in doing so. I was able to enjoy the service I was preforming. I love the feeling of doing something nice for someone else. Not because I think I am wonderful, but because I need those good vibrations in my life. I have such a hard time being happy that if I can grasp onto any happiness floating our there, I will.
It is so important to me that I remain in the service of my fellow being even though I am not attending church. I am still a good person, with a good heart, and I want to do good things. Just because I don't commit to three hours every Sunday does not mean I am a bad person. The teaching of Christ I believe to be most fundamental in my life is loving on another. So many times we are more concerned with the rules, rather than with the person. Rules are made to be broken, hearts aren't. I am glad I was able to do something nice today.
When I lost my faith in the Church, having devoted my whole life to such a demanding religion, I felt big void. Without a calling I felt alone, like I had fewer friends than before. Your thought to give service to others and practice Christ's true religion of pure love sounds very practical, and could fill this gaping hole for me.
ReplyDelete"I was able to enjoy the service I was preforming."
ReplyDeleteIf only more of us could do that -- enjoy the process rather than just hurrying to produce and deliver the results, steamrolling anyone and anything that gets in the way.